Say it ain't so, Steve!

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Steven Page, lead singer for the Canadian rock band, The Barenaked Ladies, has been arrested for possession of cocaine. Following a night of fighting with his girlfriend and getting totally plastered, she drove him to her place, where he pulled out a five dollar bill and the powder and went to work. The black and whites stopped in to see about a car door that was left open, and from the doorway observed the situation. Steven's words, "Yeah, it's cocaine."

Wow. Sixteen years into their existence, just after releasing an incredible children's music album, the band is finally stained. They were so clean- or were they? I'd rather not think about it. But lets take this time to look at other famous celebrity surprises.

1966-Sandy Koufax annonces retirement

His ten year career seemed too short for the amazing stuff he had.

1969ish-The Beatles dissolve

People cried for this one all around the world. I know I made tears in heaven over this one.

1987- Lawrence Taylor tests positive for cocaine

Hey, the man just won the 'ship, and instead of going to Disneyland like everyone else, he just wanted to get loaded. I don't know how disappointed anyone was, but it provided a great line for him in Adam Sandler's "The Waterboy", when he told some pee-wee football players, "Remember kids, don't do crack," in response to some dumb remark made by Sandler's character, Bobby Boucher.

1988-Ben Johnson's juiced in Seoul

Hooray breaking speed records! Boo steroids!

He wasn't the first.

And he certainly wasn't the last.

1993-Michael Jordan retires

Very surprising, very disappointing, and just plain out sad for those of us who based our entire basketball world around him. I don't know how I recovered.

1995-Michael Jordan returns from retirement- with #45!

Now I remember. He eventually wised up and changed the jersey back, and started winning championships again.

1997-Ellen Degeneres is gay

Whatever.

1998-Bill Clinton did not have sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky

That's not what she said...

1998 (Seven months later)- Bill Clinton DID have sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky

Wait, but didn't you tell us you didn't? I'm so confused!

2002-N*Sync breaks up

Finally!

2006-Lance Bass is gay.

I knew it!

2006-Brett Favre retires

Yeah right...

2007-Brett Favre retires. Again

Sure...

2008-Brett Favre texts the Packers GM and wants to play ball

That's what I thought.

And now this. Without stuff like this, what is life? Just me and people I know who actually care about me.

Heart, Reign O'er Me

The big show has come and gone. We dressed up, we hit concert traffic, we rocked out, and we drove home. What happened while we did all this was an outstanding show, and it deserves a recap.

Cheap Trick

Honestly, none of us really knew too much of their stuff. I have "at Budokon" but I'm really stumped after "I want you to want me" and "Surrender". We weren't the only ones there who weren't too savvy with our Cheap Trick, but I think we all were impressed. He busted out this five-neck for "Goodnight", but only played on two necks, as far as I could tell (from my seat in the grass). The guitarist tried talking a lot to make up for the lack of audience interest, but he sounded pretty bitter through it all was all. They sounded good, though, but that's all I can say.

Heart

Now, I know they have some really rockin' hits, but I never would have guessed, going into the night, that this would be such an amazing part of the show. They started the show with "Straight on to You" and shredded the guitar on "Magic Man" to really put the crowd in a good mood. They slipped into some softer stuff, playing "Dog and Butterfly" and "These Dreams", but then went into a synthesizer solo. I recognized the chords and went wild when I realized they were going to perform The Who's "Love Reign O'er Me". I went wild, and felt like the only one as I screamed the opening blood curdling "Love" with Ann Wilson. It was a great cover that did the real thing justice and rocked like it should.

They ended the set with "Barracuda", but of course came back for an encore. I was expecting them to play "Crazy on You" and go home, but Nancy came out with a mandolin and started plucking out Led Zeppelin's "Going To California". Great cover. Ann Wilson can sing like a man, and it's okay. It's awesome, actually. Those two covers really made the night for me. I was impressed.

Journey

Now for a band with a lead singer who's a man that sounds like a woman. Although the great Steve Perry may be done with the outfit, their new addition, Arnel Pineda, nailed the vocals all night long. It sounded like the greatest hits CD--but it wasn't. No, since Pineda's return the group has put together a newly released album, and played a few tracks from that. The new stuff actually didn't sound that bad, and I'm seriously considering buying it.

Aside from the promotional tracks, every song was a hit. From "Don't Stop Believing" to "Any Way You Want It" Journey rocked as the audience sang along, but my favorites were deep tracks "Stone in Love" and "Escape". Journey doesn't get enough credit for their rock-out abilty, what with ballads like "Lights", "Open Arms", "Faithfully" and "Send Her My Love", but Neal Schon can play that guitar. They certainly proved to be the main attraction, but left me a little miffed when they left without playing "Lovin', Touchin' Squeezin'". If not for their great altogether show, I would have left so angry. But I'm okay. Just not as good as I could have been.

Overall, I give the show 4 out of 5 guitars. Good game.

Freedom, Fireworks, and Fried Oreos

The fourth day of the seventh month represents an american legacy. Independence, gluttany and blowing crap up. These three rights are inalienable, and are available to all who enter the gates of freedom into the great country of America. The founding fathers wanted this for us. The great influencer of the founding fathers, John Locke (no, not the bald guy on Lost), described these rights as being life, liberty and property, and Jefferson like the phrase "the pursuit of happiness", but what they really meant to say were the three rights I identified.

1. Independence: We are all blessed with freedom in this great country. Freedom to vote, freedom to be an anarchist; freedom to worship the God of heaven and earth, freedom to worship Oprah; freedom to listen to Yanni, freedom to rock; freedom to be understanding and equal, freedom to join hate groups and burn crosses. And we can be as independent as we want. We can live independent of government subsidies or welfare checks; independent of a party line or government propoganda. Independent from each other; independent of ourselves. Yes, this is Freedom.






2. Gluttany: We can use resources like nothing else. And we do. Money? Can you say "National Debt"? Food? Yeah, we're obese. Gas? We guzzle. Energy? Anyone remember the "Rolling Blackouts"? Yep, America is all about gluttany. And what's not to love about that?






3. Blowing Crap Up: That's right. This country was founding upon destruction. Throwing tea off boats, beating the crap out of redcoats, and flipping off King George. The rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air, it all gives proof that are country is still here. As long as things are exploding, America is thriving. Some of our greatest heroes are the Chinese, Enola Gay, and Louis Feiser (who discovered napalm). Even anti-American Americans who protest gluttany, do it fine fashion, exploding Hummers. We love blowing crap up.

And thus, this is how it panned out for me. I went to a free hot springs, pigged out on bleu cheeseburgers and fried oreos, and watched an incredible fireworks show, followed by me exploding some stuff of my own.

God bless the USA

Live Music Rocks

I've been pretty pumped about this Good Morning Maxfield concert for a week now. Listened to their music online and even watched some Youtube clips. But when I walked into that auditorium tonight, it was entirely different. Live music is better than recorded music.

It was a great show, and they were followed by Ryan Shupe and the Rubber Band, whose music I had never heard previously. They were an older band- been on the scene for 12 years now, have had a top 40-hit and put on a show on stage. My goodness. They made an amazing cover of "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" inturrupted by some AC/DC and Metallica. Although most of their stuff was borderline country, they put on such a good live show that I actually didn't feel like vomitting. It was actually a straight-up great show I'd reccomend to anyone.

Live music makes the hair on my arms stand up. It can be amazing beyond all beauty. But it can also suck. But that's what you get when you ask rockin' bands like Foreigner and Styx to open for you.

Two more weeks until the Cheap Trick-Heart-Journey show. The anticipation builds.

Freedom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With the season finally over, I found relief on the sunny shores of California. For three days it was quality time with the family, the ocean, and the boogie board. I was unfortunately joined by the sun, which did a number on my skin. I went to church today looking like a leper. I told people I was auditioning for a minor role in Jesus Christ Superstar. Unfortunately, with my moustache my ethnicity is mistaken more for one found south of the border than the Gaza strip, so the audition didn't turn out that well.

I know nothing of world event right now. I'll let it all soak in this next week. Until then, I have nothing to rant about. I do, however, have an exceptional review of the best album of the year. Who made such a thing? Why, Canada's finest, of course. The Barenaked Ladies have introduced Snacktime!, an album full of songs for all the kids. It is incredible, and I advise all to purchase not only the cd, but the storybook of lyrics (illustrated by keyboardist Kevin Hearn) as well. This link goes to the website where you can view the music video from the song "789" (it looks like it came straight from Sesame Street) and hear the song "Snacktime".

http://www.bnlmusic.com/snacktime/

This is a candidate for greatest album of the century. Search YouTube for their songs "Drawing" and "Pollywog in a Bog", which will come out soon, as well.

This is The End

Yesterday was the gap between picking in the South and the North (aka here), and today the Bings will begin to roll in. Yesterday we nearly ran out of fruit, but that won't happen again. It'll just keep on coming in untill one day it stops. And the next day we'll finish. But I don't have to worry about that for another three weeks.

Yes, this is the end. Not even close to the end of cherry season, but the end of life as I know it. I'll be in the shed for 17 hours a day. It will pass, though; all cherry seasons end.

The Last Action Hero's Big Gamble

Okay, so I'm the coach of a baseball team that is spending a lot of time in the basement. We have an extremely large fan base who put a lot of money into our mismanaged bureaucratic organization. Because of this erroneous financial management we needed to save some money and cut funding to all parts of the system. The most important organization affected by this is the farm system. This has been a major problem and has left our team struggling to find and develop young talent on our own. In short, every team from A-ball to the pros sucks.

Obviously a cut would only extend our slump, so the owner of the franchise decided to bring more funding into the team by using revenue from his sub par Las Vegas casino.

It would still be too much of a cut, but the owner has projected that more people will go to his casino with more aggressive marketing, raising its revenue.

Do I feel comfortable about this? Don't bet on it. Is it real? No, of course not; baseball is much too competitive for risks like that. But Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn't think it's too risky for California's feeble education system. In his newly proposed budget for the Golden State, the Kindergarten Cop put the handcuffs on funding for students of all ages. But don't worry, we will fund it with more revenue from the state lottery.

(The following is a monologue from the Governator)

Oh, I know da projection is big. We will market the lottery more aggressively and add more fun scratcher games no one can win. You don't believe me?!?! Get Down! More budget cuts coming! Don't believe me? Grab my hand! Follow me into a dependency on the vices of human nature to support the education of young minds? Come on! Get in da chopper! (This is the part where you look at the flaming helicopter with only two and a half rotors left, shake your head and move to Idaho)