Another Day to Celebrate America

I heard that the average American will eat 4,500 calories on Thanksgiving day. How else could we possibly celebrate a day of thanks but through gluttany? As Jim Gaffigan put it,

"Thanksgiving, we didn't even try to come up with a tradition; the tradition is we overeat. 'Hey, how 'bout for thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' We do that every day. 'Oh...what if we eat a lot with people who annoy the hell out of us?'"

And eating with family makes many Americans more thankful for their independence from family. And what's the last peice of the puzzle? Beating the crap out of people: football. We watch football, we play football, we talk football--football is the day. These are the founding principles of our nation- independence, gluttany and explosive entertainment. Definitely a perfect fit as a national holiday in our blessed football.

So let's express our American patronage by eating, fighting and tackling this weekend. Such is the spirit of the day, and the spirit of our country.