I went to an AA meeting as part of my Substance Abuse course. The title of this post is the 12th tradition of Alcoholics Anonymous. A good reminder to everyone that they are all alcoholics and they are all struggling, no matter how long they've been sober, whether it be 1 day, 1 week, 1 year, or 10 years. The only way to stay on the wagon is to stick with the program.
It was incredible. The part that hit me hardest, and really prepared me for what I was about to experience, was the very beginning. The moment of silence for those still struggling to tackle addiction alone really struck a chord. The people with me in the room had surrendered to the disease and were not alone on their road to recovery. I immediately thought of all the other alcoholics who were still battling their addiction alone, or maybe just succumbing to the pain of the disease, spiralling down to even lower lows. The appropriate tone was set for the rest of the meeting.
John, the meeting facilitator, had asked me before the meeting, not realizing it was my first or that I didn’t know whether or not I was an alcoholic, to read the opening statement. I gladly agreed and went ahead with the reading. I was recognized as a visitor with a few others and given a little card and a hug from the group secretary. The handing out of the chips was awesome. Another visitor who sat next to me got his 30-day chip. I thought that was really exciting. The beginning must be pretty tough, and he was really glad to have come that far. He was well dressed and carried with him a big binder of work documents, and on the outside mesh pocket, I could see more chips. This wasn’t his first thirty day chip, and it might not be his last, but every time must be a great success. The next was a six month chip to a guy my age. That was really exciting as well. Half a year—what a great accomplishment. The last chip was a one year mark by a wonderful woman who lost her children to child services a year ago when she was using cocaine, heroin, and alcohol. She got a place in drug court, started the AA program, and now she’s been sober for a year and just got custody of her kids back. This was really exciting. Most people there knew here and congratulated her on her great work. I felt so happy for her.
The rest of the meeting I really just felt happy. The reading from the big book was in chapter one, and then people shared their experiences with the group. Because the chapter focused on Bill W’s road to alcoholism, most people talked about how similar their own stories were to Bill’s. You just substitute their name with Bill’s or Manhattan on the rocks with bathtub gin and it was their story. One man was the designated driver for some friends of his, and they were going out that night and he told them, “I’ll catch up to you later, I think I can still catch a meeting.” What an awesome social network for people who need help. As I searched for a meeting to go to I found so many options, and I’m so glad I found the one I did and got to hear and meet the people I did.
John was the last one to share, and what he said was this: “Tomorrow would have been my five year mark. I got to that fourth year and thought it was going to be smooth sailing to five years. Relapse does happen.” I felt so badly for him. He was so disappointed with himself, it seemed like he was angry that he let himself relapse. It must be hard. One of the men there announced that he was three days sober, and we were as excited for him as we were for any of the people who just got a chip. Every day sober is a great achievement because the disease they carry has ravaged their entire life and they continually need support not to get caught up in their past.
I left feeling so happy for everyone there. I wanted to be a part of the group, I wanted to make the achievements they were making and support others who were progressing, but I know that I cannot. The time came when John asked for volunteers who have completed the twelve steps to raise their hands to show others who they can talk to about being a sponsor for their own recovery. I realized then that I could never be able to help the way they can help each other. I felt so good, yet sad that I could never go back. I don’t have anything that I can really share with them. I can’t help them, yet they make me feel so good. That night I prayed for each of the people I met by name and thanked God for the wonderful experience of having met them.
2 comments:
I bet you were a wonderful missionary Keith. I'm grateful that people can find help with their problems- not alone.
It seems that we might support those with the disease by helping them feel good about themselves. Way to dive into the assignment heart-first, Keith.
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